23
Oct
09

Dreaming of Androids not Sheep

Dear reader, as I was fiddling with my cantankerous wheelie bin this morning I was struck with thoughts of deceit and obfuscation. Twas only the other day that I was discussing the very matter with Dr. Brunel. He is of the opinion that his car is fully automatic. Nay, I cannot agree with this confused opinion. Surely he has his hands to the tiller? A misunderstanding of the term automatic no doubt. I shall set him right in his ways never fear. Though he is a proud one, he is also a confused banana.

Of course we have all been misled a propos the level of robotic technology that we should currently be enjoying. I am surprised that Gordon Brown has not set targets on Robotic Technology.  Science and Innovation Minister,  Professor William Heath Robinson said: “What’s important about Androidhorizons is that we’re inviting anyone and everyone to get involved in the discussions, not only the scientists. We want discussions about science to involve the whole community. Will we all be using Ray-Guns at 80? Or sitting in self-driving cars? Will robots be serving us breakfast? Will our fridges be talking to our shopping trolleys? Will history be a thing of the past?”

The level of robotic technology is frankly a little shabby. Look at this pathetic excuse for an automaton.

The dream of the future was much more along the lines of Robby the Robot. Yes, Jeeves reimagined as a whirring butler, fitted out with replication units, and a baffling internal logic system. The dressmaking skills seemed a little effeminate – but there you go. A dream of sliding doors and hoverboots seemed only around the corner. I still clearly remember our old year 6 teacher, Mrs. Bradbury preparing us for the Age of Leisure. Our every need and whim would be catered for. The main purpose of education then would be to intelligently fill our extensive free time. Still waiting. While I’m still waiting I have 101 chores to do, which I am sure could be fulfilled by Robby. So much for a robotic dystopia, with armies of domestic assistants rising up to overthrow their masters. The only thing the ones we’ve would probably run out of batteries half way through booting up. Ho hum. So much for the G-1-RL Portable Leisure, Exercise and Adventure, Self-Utilizing Responsive Escort (P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E.) robot.

Stuck in an ironing loop again.

Stuck in an ironing loop again.

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11 Responses to “Dreaming of Androids not Sheep”


  1. October 24, 2009 at 12:04 am

    Love your stuff Davey, an interesting (read…! Take Care & see you soon.

  2. October 24, 2009 at 12:09 am

    Love your stuff Davey. Very interesting & ‘Pythonic’ in moments (if there is such a term?).
    Brilliant. Take Care Dave & see you soon…

  3. October 29, 2009 at 4:12 am

    The future’s bright, the future’s Orange. I hear Dr Brunel runs off batteries – the future sucks.

    Keep making us smile young Mills.

    • 4 dandymills
      October 30, 2009 at 12:12 am

      I believe you have to be careful of saying that in Northern Ireland!
      Topical Tip of the day: don’t store your fireworks in your stovepipe hat. Remember what happened last year!

      • November 11, 2009 at 12:23 pm

        Hello Monsieur

        Point taken. Regarding the “Tip of the Day”: At least it is a step forward. Remember when I used to store hats in my stovepipe? The less said about that, the better.

        By the way – Have you still got my Turbot pan?

  4. 6 dandymills
    November 14, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Ah. A touchy point (as you well know.) The pan was sadly lost to a deranged mercenary giant octopus during the unspeakable turbot war. Fear not, I shall replace your pan with a piranha poacher.

  5. November 18, 2009 at 6:50 am

    Fair enough, but I usually make it a rule not to eat food that could possibly eat me first

  6. November 18, 2009 at 6:54 am

    I have just noticed that your clock is one hour adrift. My previous message was actually sent at 5:50 of the am. I don’t want people to think I am some sort of late poster. I want to be known as the early poster, or better still “Hunka Munka the Brute of Devon”. I need ship’s buscuits and I need them now.

  7. December 4, 2009 at 5:05 am

    Ding. Ding. 4 of the clock and all is well.
    Ding. Ding. Hold tight please.
    Ding. Ding. Said the old man of Bristol.
    Ding. Ding. Indeed…

    • 11 dandymills
      December 8, 2009 at 10:38 am

      I hope you have bought your decimal clock. As I understand it, all clocks in the EU will go decimal on the 10th of December in 2010, at exactly 10.00 midnight. All duodecimal clocks will cease to function as of this date. Although, you could probablt eek it out a little if you kept turning in back, or stuck a spanner into the calendar gears. Although you know what they say? You can’t stop progress. Who are they?


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