Magic Beans My Foot

     Short, balding, millionaire Paul Daniels was today, it was announced on the run from the police, with his son,  Mr. Gary Daniels (Jnr) who was convicted two months ago on the serious charge of stealing Unitab stocks from Accrington Stanley Football Club. He was also serving time on a secondary charge of running an inflatable rabbit farm in Holmfirth, for the purpose of supplying evil Paul Daniels with rabbits that would mysteriously disappear inside his magic top hat. The rabbits would then be inflated using a hidden gas canister sewn into the brim of the hat, to give the impression that they had magically reappeared. He was also dealing with the trading of human legs. Mrs. Daniels’ wife, Debbie McGee, revealed exclusively to The Daily Strumpet that the legs were used on a nightly basis to restore the legs that Paul would cut off as part of his magic act. To make matters worse, a raid of Mr. G. Daniels’ magic shop in Wigan, revealed that he had been selling cannabis and magic beans. The Governor of Slade Prison, Mad Frankie Fraser, in a press conference revealed the evil truth behind the Daniels family. Paul Daniels had suggested to Mr. Fraser that he perform an impromptu Magic Night at Slade Prison G2 Wing (crimes against the Magic Circle.) At the end of the evening Mr. Daniels asked for a volunteer to enter his magical cabinet. At this point, Paul and Gary slipped into the cabinet, and disappeared from the prison. The problems that can be caused by malignant magicians in our communities, cannot be exaggerated. Take for example the case of Jack Vs The Giant (Edwards Vs Trouserfog, 1843.) The resulting damage to the economy of a 12 ton gold egg took nearly a decade to smooth out. UniTab is not the same as Magic Beans – be warned, delicate reader.

An Artist Impression of Mr. Daniels (Snr)

An Artist Impression of Mr. Daniels (Snr)


4 Responses to “Magic Beans My Foot”

  1. August 6, 2009 at 8:35 pm


    Daniels is simply a genius. The man is a giant in the Magic Circle.

    Top hats off for Daniels 🙂

  2. 2 P.C. Plod of the yard
    August 7, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Not quite such a genius as you may think. I am using my time to have an illicit affair with Debbie

  3. August 7, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    Damn your trousers Plod. If Daniels gets wind of this, you’re going to be sawn in half.

  4. 4 dandymills
    August 12, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    I shall keep this matter firmly under my hat. I would not be stupid enough to air the matter in the public domain. I must go I hyave an important meeting in the Magic Circle.

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