23
Jul
09

Operation Spearhead Assault

     Dear reader, I was astonished at the announcement today that the V.A.T. rate is henceforth to be determined by the spinning of a roulette wheel. Of course, the original value added tax was introduced in 1532, as you well know.

     It was originally introduced to fund the 25 year Bowler hat war with France. Although originally it was merely funded as a value added tax on facial hair, after the moustache riots of 1602, it was extended to cover a range of services. The moustache or beard are no longer used to contribute to the nations coffers (sideburns, curiously are still liable to a 21.5% rate.)

exempt from VAT

exempt from VAT

     Part of the new “sliding scale” charges will be used to fund the extension of swineflu into Europe. As a world leader in the hosting, marketing and spreading of swineflu, Britain is intending to be the first to spread the porcine menace to our partners in the E.U. Only the other day, a party of pupils from Pimlico Middle School were sent to Burgundy, as part of the spearhead assault to the boundary of France. Luck, however was not with us. The party was discovered, and sent packing. According to sources close to the infected party, they were told to “return to your disease-ridden country.” Not to be deterred a party of children are to be parachuted behind enemy lines. We will ensure that we are the best prepared country to spread the swineflu across Europe and to the rest of the commonwealth. Typhoid Mary was unavailable for comment.

Thwarted again - yet we shall prevail

Thwarted again - yet we shall prevail

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1 Response to “Operation Spearhead Assault”


  1. July 24, 2009 at 12:58 am

    Dear Dr Trousers

    I have no hat to speak of, and I have lost every shirt I own in a bizarre betting competition with a greengrocer from Norwich.

    I am writing to you in the hope that you will return the haversack I lent to you last St Swithen’s Day. This asset, if returned, can be used to purchase enough fresh turbot to last me at least nine days. Now I am able to sit up a little, I would like to thank you for the lovely flowers you sent in the other day. They are still as dainty and as fresh as ever. Fortunately, I am improving, but it is a tedious business.

    Tell Derek that I have no further need of his remarkable elephant pants, and that I will be returning them along with a selection of fine paisley dining scarves forthwith.

    Uncle Monty still bites the postman, but apart from that, we are all in fine fettle.

    I must apologise, I have just realised that I am on the wrong weblog.

    Good Day.


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