14
Jul
09

The Rise of the Common-Sense Man

     I was opening a packets of  Curly Wurly of the a.m. only to be surprised to read the following piece of advice. It was this : “Open Here.” Obviously, I would be the first one to embrace safety advice. It would be foolhardy to attempt to use a chainsaw, or – for example – muck about with the settings of the Large Hadron Collider, without some reference to the safety instructions. However, to be advised to open my Curly Wurly only in my present location merely seems to be protecting me from an impossibility. Perhaps, I am missing something? Could the seemingly wafer-thin paper possibly contain a GPS chip. Would it pop up “Don’t Open Here,” if, perchance I was standing in the middle of the M52. Me thinketh not.

See you later guys...

See you later guys...

     Yes indeed, the New World Order of the Health & Safety Dictatorship is with us. No matter what you do, and where you go, we are constantly being advised on how to conduct ourselves. Perhaps they should just be renamed the Royal Society for the Protection of Stupid People. No, really, this is a serious problem. We’re giving an evolutionary pressure promoting stupidity. Those crappy little genes, the weeds, the detritus of Human Being v1.0 are not just being ignored, but actively cultivated to the detriment of society as a whole. Now, don’t get me wrong, dear reader, I have not got an active intrest in the Huxley’s and Kellog’s of the world. I fully accept the fact that eventually we will all have a bespectacled appearance and an average colour. This is fair enough. Let me put my case more clearly, some genes need to have the old eviction notice slapped on them as soon as possible. It’s not just that; the longer these dullards stay alive, the more chance they have of reproducing. And we all know how good they are at that.

anyone can be president in America. Surely not a brag

anyone can be president in America. Surely not a brag

     Let us consider the case Mr. J.P.Twigg. Education: a scant acquantance. Social skills: will delay farting in public at funerals. Occupation: unemployable. This blockhead has the social usefulness of  a wig in wigwam. He has one goal in life, to find out as much information as he can about the overpaid celebrities that  has zero chance of meeting. As Oscar once said The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except what is worth knowing.” His second preoccupation, is with populating the planet, despite his full knowledge that his he can add nothing of value. Just weeds, dear reader, weed.

     Thus, dear reader, my modest proposal can be outlined thus. Remove all warnings. The educated man has the wit to consider what his (or her I hear you cry Agatha) potential risks in a given situation may be. The dolt, unaware of anything more than 5 seconds into the future as evolutionary jetsam.

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3 Responses to “The Rise of the Common-Sense Man”


  1. July 14, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    I thought they had rounded you lot up at Nuremberg. OK I accept they missed Jeremy Clarkson, but really…

  2. 2 dandymills
    July 15, 2009 at 8:18 am

    Your reading of the cycle of history is sadly misinformed Stefan. I believe they rounded down at Nuremberg. A little known fact is that Jeremy escaped by changing his name from Jeramiah Schuson.

  3. July 20, 2009 at 12:36 am

    Ah, Mr Pumpkin, I see the confusion. You’ve assumed arithmetically rounding down, as opposed to the cattle ranching style of rounding up. The latter, of course, being my original meaning. Is Jeramiah Schuson that twat off Top gear?


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