Scissors Wraps Paper, & Paper Raps Metal

     Coins are peculiar metallurgical items, and not just from a Marxist perspective. Take the pesky baby of the family, the One Pence Piece. Once upon a time a 1p was worth a trip to the cinema. In my youth you could by a few sweets and penny chews. Nowadays our cupric friend would purchase zilch. In fact, only 1/5 of all transactions actually need a 1p.


Thus, it is you are actually going out of your way to pass on the blighters. By the same token (no pun intended) it is only an obligatory coin for the haberdasher to return to the customers itchy plam when the cost of an item ends with 9p or 7p. Again the 20% rule comes into play. The only reason you use the pennies most of the time is to get rid of the little swines. It’s pretty much akin to having an E.U. penny mountain in your sideboard. I am misleading you of course, dear reader. no-sale

One of the reasons where the “99p” appendum to the price (apart from the psychological advantage of a whole 1p mark-down), was this: back in the day of Gestetner Steam-Driven cash register, if the Price were rounded to the nearest pound then the operator could pocket the cash, for he wouldn’t have need to open the till: no change. However, 99p means that he has to open the till and swap coins in front of the customer. So I say, Pluto the penny, banish the brass. This is one little fella we don’t need. Compare the ways of the prehistoric penny to our friend the postage stamp. Many a sleight has be made of the Queen-emblazoned sticker. It seems a tad unfair. After all, if you were to send you Aunt Gertrude a Happy Divorce card, a mere 30p seems a most economical way of posting, say from London to Edinburgh. In fact at 0.07p a mile this is the delivery method of choice. Unlike the old stick in the mud coin, the stamp will change its value. Adapt & Survive. That’s what I say. You’ll never see a 2p think it’ll be better of as a threepenny bit. So, three cheers for stamps. Britain at it’s Best.

Did Dorian Gray have glue on one side of his face?

Did Dorian Gray have glue on one side of his face?


2 Responses to “Scissors Wraps Paper, & Paper Raps Metal”

  1. July 9, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Gestetner Steam-Driven cash registers aside, I think since the advent of the barcode, the entire concept of the 99p appendum has been consigned to that of a solely psychological advantage. With the “stock balance” cross-referencing to “cash balance in till” data readily available, the opportunity for pocketing cash at the point of sale is lost forever. “Ah! Halcyon days” sighs Bill Sykes.

    Would the sprightly looking monarch instantly age overnight if all postage stamps were to mysteriously vanish? “Ah! Halcyon days” sighs Dorian Gray.

  2. 2 dandymills
    July 15, 2009 at 8:23 am

    I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night with the thought of my subjects licking the side of my head. By George, I’d be petrified to meet them. Perhaps that’s why she rarely goes out on her own. Gawd bless her.

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