Double Trouble

Getting to know you
Getting to know you

     Dear reader, let me relate to you a headline that I encountered in the Village Gazette the other day. I was puzzled by the headline, which read “Midget Twins killed by Fake Ladies of the Night

     It just goes to back up those stories you are always hearing about twins separated at birth ending up in the same professions, having the same type, of dog, and in several cases being married to the same woman. I suppose some of it makes sense, you must be difficult to resist those two for one offers for example. However, if you are, for example, lacking in the height department, the choice of a career in Professional Wrestling (Mexican department) does seem particularly ill-thought through. Just the thought of a huge 220lb Mexican version of Giant Haystacks descending at 9.8ms-2 of a 20ft pair of ladders, only to have his descent hindered by my miniscule bonce would certainly give me second thoughts at the interview. Perhaps they played as a team; sort of two halfs for your pint philosophy. Oh dear, that makes them sound like some 1930’s slapstick comedy. Visions of braces being pulled from behind, a-running through open legs, and much a-slapping of wobbly cheeks seems to spring to mind.
     I wonder if they ever won a match? Did they get half of the belt each?
It is a shame they a no longer with us. Still to be, albeit accidently, killed by a prostitute you would at least want them to have the dignity of being real ladies-of-the-night. My of my, the second oldest profession is getting more sloppy these days. Where they happy to carry out the pleasuring act, but refused to take the monies after said transaction? Who knows, certainly not I, gentle reader. Marxist escorts spreading their tentacles across the Mexican map. Soon, surely, America will follow. I can just see aero planes packed full of mini-skirted, basqued, stocking and beheld Marxist nocturnal escorts, stepping out of airports all over the civilized world (apart from Iceland, obviously.) What do they really want? Perhaps they are a religious sect intent on terminating all twins, seeing them as an abhorration? Evil plots surround us everywhere. It is clear that we must all send a letter to Mr. Brown immediately demanding that he set strict quotas limiting the numbers of ladies entering our country. Perhaps even 24-hour security for twins everywhere. Is nothing sacred anymore. Incidentally, did you know Tom Thumb’s hat size was 3¾, cheap on material, but a bit fiddly steaming the brim.


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July 2009
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