23
Jun
09

Can’t get around getting around

Boyle in the Bag

Boyle in the Bag

     Dear Reader. I had a close miss this morning. A horseless carriage veered down the avenue & closely missed an altercation with yours truly. I blame this on the fact that many people seem to gain licences in lucky dips. Of course, with so many of the beasts on the road these days there is a massive probability that one of them will spin off the street or hit each other. It’s simple kinetic theory, dear boy. Prof. Boyle would fully concur with my elucidation of the key problems of modern transports theory.

     In fact there is a simple solution to the problem. This is where we could take a note from our Danish cousins. Simply make all cars out of Lego™. A slight prank with Toad? Simply pop the pieces back on. Actual damage after a meeting with Mr. Knievel? Not a problem, sir. Lego bricks are incredibly cheap. Are you a dirty, rotten scoundrel? Need to maintain your famously low profile. Change your car colour without the needless expense of a whole new carriage. Why stop there, I here you cry. We could franchise out the whole idea to further fields. Ever dropped a glass: you guessed it. Might be a little leaky, thinking about it. I’ll take that one to the potting shed for a few modifications.

Before the era of crash-test dummies

Before the era of crash-test dummies

     However, as you may expect any coherent Transport policy needs more than one strand. Once we have our fleets of brickmobiles we can turn our attention to the smaller highways & byways of old Blighty. Here, we need to develop carriage free zones. I suggest that every post-office has a collection of monocycles and penny-farthings for rental. Not only will this make our villages prettier it will mean that you have to develop new skills. Using a mobile phone whilst monocycling – try it. More accidents disposed of in one fell swoop.

     I know what you’re about to say? What about our skies? The matter, dear reader, is safely in hand. I propose hot-air balloons for short-haul flights, and digiribles for flights to foreign parts. There is one fly in the ointment in this plan, I hear you say. And, sage reader, I can accomodate you. Hot-air balloons are unpredictable beasts. How would you know know you would land? Not a problem, every trip a new experience. Have you never stepped off the beaten track; felt a curious tug down a country lane? Where’s your spirit of adventure?

     The aquatic world awaits us. I have a meeting with Dr. Nemo at 1 of the Clock in the local hostelry (The Teapot & Hearing Aid, if you’re ever passing through the Shire).

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1 Response to “Can’t get around getting around”


  1. 1 Stefan III of Bordeaux
    June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    Sir, I like the cut of your jib and your ideas intrigue me. My brother has been driving a Lego car now for sometime. Unfortunately, the wall he recently drove into was made of real bricks. Doh!


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